Re-entry

After a LONG hiatus, I am back to journaling. At least for now.


Part of the problem with taking a break from journaling is that when you decide to pick it back up, you have no idea where to start. Instead of trying to chronicle the many events that happened over the last few months, here's a random sampling of the things running through my head and filling my life right now.

1. I just got onto Pinterest. I have a love/hate relationship with it already. It's inspiring with all it's amazing ideas and depressing at the same time because who has the time? One thing I did try from it: the 100 workout. 100 jumping jacks, 90 crunches, 80 squats, 70 leg lifts, repeat till you've counted down to 10, then run for 10 minutes. I literally have not worked out since AUGUST. So, I've been hobbling around today, my quads so sore I've been wincing. But, it's kind of a great feeling at the same time.

2. I'm feeling really hopeful about 2012. Both for me and so many of my friends. There are signs of life all around. On a day in November when I was particularly sad and overwhelmed I asked my dear friend to pray for me. She shared this verse from Psalm 27 with me and I've kept thinking of it as we've entered this new year: "What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for the Lord. Be brave and let your heart endure."

3. Grant is about to be 5. As I've said before, 4 is a magical age and I'm not ready for it to be over. I had to check the 'kindergarten' box on his school registration form for next year and it was so sad to me. I remember thinking my sister was a crazy woman when Jake started kindergarten because she was so sentimental and teary about it all. But here I am, so oddly emotional about him turning 5. How can 5 seem so old?

4. My Lucy...she is a pill. Only 16 months and she can already arch her back and stomp her foot with the best toddler tantrum-thrower out there. I love her squishy arms and legs. I love that she's obsessed with shoes. I love the face she makes and what she does with her mouth when she comes toward you to give you a kiss.

5. Coming up on my year anniversary of being back at work. So many thoughts about this one but at the top of the list is one that could not have been predicted - gratitude.

6. Found a diamond earring this weekend that I lost over TWO years ago. What a find. It more than made up for the fact that I went through 2 iphones over the Christmas holidays. Yep, 2 phones. That actually happened. In less than 7 days. Jessica says the universe is trying to give me a message.

7. I am now on the 2012 entries in my 'One Line a Day' journal. I'm giddy about getting to February because then I'll be adding entries under the ones from last year. I can't recommend this little book enough, such a brilliant idea.

8. I love honest articles about parenting. Like this one. The ending is the best and a perfect description of chronos time vs. kairos time.

Whew, I did it. The band-aid from not writing in months is now torn off. Let's hope this lasts. At least for your sake, mom.

Goodbye September

Where does the time go? She's a year old. Already a year. I'm getting more nostalgic as I get older. Her one-year birthday reminds me of Rent lyrics, days of being a Tri Delt, and the voice of Shawna singing:

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear,

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

How do you measure, measure a year?

Getting her out of her crib is the best part of the day. She is standing up waiting, just giggling with glee. She LOVES Norman. She has a new passion for lima beans. She has severe food envy. Regardless of what you are eating, she wants a taste. And she will throw a tantrum until you share your plate with her. She's ticklish under her neck and on her feet. She walks with a wide stance, like a sumo wrestler. Funny, because her thighs look like a sumo wrestler's. She likes to kick her right foot while drinking and twirl her hair with her right hand. She's like a mermaid in the bath, flipping over and around, going under and not caring. She's got the best dimples and loves to laugh. She owns all our hearts.

{ keepsake prayer }

If you don't read Ann Voskamp's blog, you should. A couple of weeks ago she posted this prayer for a daughter. I have such dreams for Lucy and this prayer so perfectly expresses them. I'm writing these words down because as she grows, this will be my prayer for her.

God, clothe this girl in a gown of Grace,
the only dress that makes beautiful the style of Your spirit.
Nourish her on the comfort food of the Word,
Word, that makes her crave more of Christ, have hunger pains for Him.

Enclose her in communion with You
You, Love who makes her love, who folds her heart
into a roof that absorbs storms,
that makes her tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger.

May her vocation in this world simply be translation
Translating every enemy into esteemed guest,
Translating every countenance into the face of Christ,
Translating every burden into blessing

When it's hard to be patient...make her willing to suffer,
When it's ridiculous to be thankful...make her see all is grace,
When it's radical to forgive...make her live the foundation of faith,
And when it's time to work...make her a holy wonder.

May she be bread and feed many with her life and laughter,
May she be thread and mend brokeness and knit hearts,
May she be dead to all ladders and never go higher, only lower,
to the lonely, the least, and the longing
Her led of the Spirit to lead many to the Cross -
that leads to the tomb, wildly empty.

And raise me, Lord, from the deadness of my own sins
to love this beautiful girl like You do...

In the name of Christ who rose
and appeared first
to one of His daughters...
Amen

a boy and his boat

making a boat at homestead heritage

the maiden voyage

a good start

art project going downhill

point of no return - a water hose is now necessary

and when i check on him, what do i find? my guy and his beloved brown sailboat!

wedding weekend

We just recently got photos from Blake and Mallory's wedding. It was a very sweet ceremony and Brad and I were honored to stand beside them as they committed their lives to one another. I loved the music and all the small and simple details Mallory planned. Most of all, I loved that Mallory officially became part of the Herridge family!

Grant was the ring bearer and I think he liked hanging out with the guys before the wedding.

He entered with a big smile. 1/2 way down the aisle it turned to burying his face in the pillow. By the end, he dove under the pew bawling...

Love this picture. They had every reason to smile - they were on their way to Hawaii!

{a simple song}

This song was sung by Olivia Eades at DaySpring Baptist Church a couple of weeks ago. Her father is friends with Brad and shared it with him. There's something about it that's so beautiful. Sometimes song can speak to you and heal you - this one has done that for me over the past couple of weeks.

Heaven Stands

Time Flies

I asked Grant on Sunday if he could stay 4 and never grow older. He laughed at me and shook his head no. I love this age. I love watching his mind work, hearing his vocabulary develop, and witnessing his still-fresh wonder at the world.

Because time flies, I wanted to stop and remember bits and pieces of our summer, conversations had, and characteristics that make me smile.

He is still a serious artist. I threw away some drawings the other day and he was horrified when he discovered them. I had no excuse and had to fess up. The next day he was drawing with Brad. He got a marker and told Brad to sign the back of his picture and write that he would "never ever throw it away or tear it up". When Brad asked why he wanted him to make this promise he said "because mommy threw away my art and I forgave her, but only because she's my mommy." I now know where I stand with Grant - what a close call!

He still uses 'her' instead of 'she'. All the time. As in, "when her grows up, is her going to wear toe nail polish like you mommy?" or "her is not very happy right now" or "why is her crying?". Brad asked him when he thought he would start saying 'she' instead of 'her'. He thought, then replied rather indignately, "when I'm an adult." Hmmm, I'm thinking that if you can reason and use the word 'adult' I think you can get your possesive pronouns straight.

He is very adamant about things. When Brad picked him up from school the other day he was playing with his friends - they were folding clothes and playing in the kitchen. Brad asked Grant if he was playing house. Grant responded: "NO Daddy. We are playing home-living!!"

Every morning is the same. He wakes up. Goes to the bathroom. Comes and checks on everyone. Gives everyone a hug and kiss. Goes back to his room, picks out clothes, and dresses himself - often times completing the outfit with shoes, a hat, and sunglasses. He is very particular that his whole outfit matches. And, every Sunday, he picks out Lucy's dress for church.

Every time we visit San Antonio, we eat here:

Today, when Brad picked him up from school, he excitedly showed him a picture of the Alamo that he had colored. He then went on to explain, "Daddy, this is a picture of the Alamo. It used to be a church, but now it's a mexican restaurant." I feel slightly embarrassed about this... I think maybe we've indulged too much. He's probably always going to be confused by the two now.

He's never been mean to Lucy. Not once. This is so precious to me. I know it will change, but I'll cherish it as long as it lasts.

He's a kid of the 21st century. He asked Brad to look something up online tonight. Say what? I had no idea he even knew what that phrase meant.

The mix of things at 4 is so funny to me. For example, while eating out on Saturday, I took him to the girl's bathroom. He was offended and said, as if he were a teenager, "i don't want to go to the stinky girl's bathroom." And yet, he then proceeded to wave his hands gleefully in front of the automatic towel dispenser as if it were some magical machine and belly laugh everytime it spit out a paper towel.

To me, 4 has been a huge change from 3. More even-tempered. More logical and able to reason. He can play board games now and is actually okay with following the rules AND with losing. Who knew that day would ever come? I didn't. He's even more fun as a companion now. We can ride bikes together to the school track and time each other on my iphone as we do sprints. We can go for a hike together in Cameron Park and talk about things as we rest. Like I expressed on Sunday, I think I might be perfectly fine if he were to stay 4 his whole life. It's a sweet age indeed.

I Survived Cousin Camp, Barely

(disclaimer: don't take camp photos on the last day. i swear they had fun...)

Cheers - Cousin Camp 2011 is officially over! I must admit, there were a few moments I didn't know if I would make it. Not sure what made it so difficult this year. Perhaps having a 9 month old who was teething and started screaming anytime she was not attached to my hip. Perhaps the 104 degree heat. Perhaps the less than stellar preparation on Amy and I's part.

But, what do you always say about situations like this? It's all about the kids! As long as the kids have fun, that's all that counts! And, I think they did. And, one day, I hope they will talk about the days their crazy mom and crazy aunt hosted cousin camp every year.

Every year we've done different activities - I think we found some keepers that will reappear at CC 2012. Here are some of the highlights:

A scavenger hunt through the ranch. Thank goodness we have one old enough to read clues!

The cows made getting the last clue extra exciting.

$13.99 @ HEB = at least 2 hours of entertainment

We ran out of letters so the shirts just said "Camp". We are working on a budget.

Our little Pollock

Poor Sophia. She didn't even see it coming. The 80 water balloons lasted about 3 minutes. But it was a great 3 minutes. The poor dog was the target of most of them.

Not pictured: swimming at the Baylor pool (keeper); Cars 2 (just as bad as the reviews said it would be); making ice-cream in a ziploc bag (interesting); hours of playing baseball; lots of general insanity.

Of course, this year, since Cousin Camp fell on a holiday weekend, we also had to have a 4th of July parade. Baylor's homecoming parade is the largest collegiate homecoming parade in the nation. The Dorman 4th of July parade is the shortest patriotic parade in the nation. It consists of saying the pledge of allegiance and then biking up and down the driveway. But wow - the anticipation of the kids - they love our parade and are none the wiser about how actually ridiculous the entire thing is.

Miss 4th of July. The biggest bow she's ever worn and will wear for quite some time.

praying in color

Several months ago Brad ordered Praying in Color by Sybil MacBeth. He had seen it listed in the appendix of another prayer book and the title intrigued him. It's a simple book, one you can breeze through. The concept is so simple, and yet for me, it has been so life-giving. It is about how to draw your prayers.

From the book: "Maybe you hunger to know God better. Maybe you love color. Maybe you are a visual learner, a distractable or impatient soul, or a word-weary pray-er...For many of us, using only words to pray reduces God by the limits of our finite words."

After reading the book, I immediately went out and bought a new set of markers and a blank journal. The first couple of times, I felt funny, a bit clumsy, like I needed an eraser. However, once I eased into it, I found that it brought a new dimension and expression to my prayers.

It wasn't long before I realized that this concept could be very meaningful to children. So, I got a blank notebook and made it Grant's prayer book. We spent several sessions drawing together. I would guide his thoughts, he would draw, and then I would write the prayer he was expressing in his picture. We kept this up for awhile and then got out of the habit.

Strangely enough, I had been thinking just this week that we needed to resume our practice when tonight, after our bedtime prayers, he asked me, "Mommy, why can't we just show God?". I asked him to explain what he meant and he said, "Remember our books? Why can't we draw and show God?".

Here's an example - this was during a phase when he was very fearful of the dark. When I asked him what his picture meant he said he wanted God to protect him from scary things.

I share my experience because I've never seen another book like this. If you are open to new experiences and if you are looking for ways to spiritually engage your children, I highly recommend Praying in Color.

Thin Places

Love this quote. By the way, I'm sharing this picture on Brad's new blog - http://www.agenerousgrace.blogspot.com/

Taking Stock

In a reflective mood tonight. 2011 is almost half way over. How is that possible?

This has been such a strange, surreal year so far. I think back to the beginning of the year and it was filled with angst and heart-break, both mine and those around me. I grieved and fretted over the prospect of returning to work full-time after 2 1/2 years of being home.

February came and thus began so many changes. After days upon days of waking up whenever Grant wandered into my room, I began waking to a beeping alarm clock at 6:00am. I started wearing heels again and clothes that necessitated ironing. I stopped cooking as much. I started making lunches. ugh. I moved my bedtime up. I started grocery shopping on Saturday mornings with the rest of the world.

I went back to being in a different world from 8 to 5. A world of thinking strategically and directing projects. A world of deadlines and expectations and pressures. A world that does have perks. Like having an hour lunch everyday that you can spend eating with friends at your favorite restaurants or trying on clothes at the Loft or doing whatever else you want to do. A world that involves meetings at Starbucks. A world that makes you get dressed up and bring your best.

There have been so many hard days and so many easy days. It's been a wild ride. Days when I've wept bitterly at the loss of time with Grant and Lucy. Days I've felt like I'm drowning. Days I've felt completely alone, like there is not a soul who understands what I'm going through. Days I've given free reign to another voice - one that espouses a bitter resentment over unmet expectations and lost hopes.

There have been days when I've listened to and watched Grant and realized how very good Waco Montessori has been for him - how he's matured and soaked up so much knowledge - and I've admitted that he wouldn't have gotten that had he stayed home with me. Days I've cherished my husband because he is truly my teammate, and I know we are in this thing together. There have been days where I've recognized how easy it was for me to return to work, and to a job and an office that I love - and I've realized that it is a gift not to be taken lightly in this economy. Days that I've realized how much I enjoy my children now - our time together has a new dimension to it, a new preciousness.

Day by day. Up and Down. Down and Up. At the beginning of this year, I knew I was entering uncertain waters and I vowed that I would allow myself to just 'be' in the space of whatever each day brought.


I posted awhile ago about the book "One Thousand Gifts". I still believe it was divinely appointed for me to read this year of my life. I've re-read it often. It's pages have revealed a different way of seeing, a way that keeps whispering to me when I'm tempted to give up and pull the covers over my head.


In the midst of uncertain days, in the midst of both the up and the down, there are always gifts, and I can offer my gratitude. And I can enter into his presence (joy) which transcends all emotion. Each day, a choice. Some days I've made the right one, other days I've sold myself so short.

2011, so far you've been just as challenging as I thought you'd be. Here's to whatever the next half brings.

summer love

Oh to be 16 again and on summer break. I have been listening to the youth at church excitedly discuss their summer plans of sleeping late and days at the lake and late nights with friends. Pining after my own summer days gone by, I've decided to re-claim the season. I've started a running list of things I think will make these next few months special, things that will make these next few months my own summer break. Here goes:

1. Make and eat lots of popsicles. I'm buying my molds tomorrow at Bed, Bath & Beyond. My Rachel and Martha magazines have the most fabulous sounding recipes. Ones that are both nostalgic like banana fudge pops to the more exotic pomegranate lime pops.

2. Leave early with Lucy on Tue/Thu so we can be the first girls to stop by the Farmers Market. Being first means we will get the best watermelon.

3. Become a firefly whisperer. Our front yard is afire with them every evening. I'm going to let Grant stay up till after dark every couple of days so we can race around and catch them in his bug catcher.

4. Invite friends over for dinner more often.

5. Find some good novels - ones that make you stay up late in the night to finish. I got inspired thumbing through a box of novels at a garage sale this morning.

6. More bike rides. It's too hot to run and besides, biking takes me back to being 8 and growing up in Canada.

After watching the kids enjoy time together this weekend, I'm even more inspired. These pictures shout "let summer begin" to me.

lots of mud

What a memorable weekend! Several months ago my sister talked me into signing up for the Austin Muddy Buddy Race. It's a 6 mile bike/run that has obstacles interspersed and ends with a giant mud pit. Looking back I'm really glad Amy talked me into it because it made me start exercising again post-Lucy. It was a beautiful day and lots of fun. Our team name was "A Wing and a Prayer" and we finished right on goal. After our race there was a Mini Muddy Buddy race. Grant had been talking for weeks about competing in the race but he got cold feet right before it started. I talked him into competing and he was in first place until right before the finish line - that's when the realization that he was in fact in the middle of a deep mud pit sunk in and he went into total melt-down mode. He was sobbing as he got his finisher medal and continued to cry until we were able to spray off and change into clean clothes. Of course, he has a selective memory - to hear him tell the tale now he loved every minute of it!

Pre-race helmet help

I started running while Amy started biking. We switched off every mile.

At the starting line. Notice the crazy costumes like the bride in front of us. One team was dressed up as unicorns and had a huge "horn" coming off the back of their bike. It was a strange crowd...

Our finisher medals

Look closely to see Grant on the left going over the wall. He's in the blue shirt and red shorts. He is a competitor at heart. Wonder where he got that...?

Getting ready to enter the mud pit.

Jake and Amy. So proud of Jake. Unlike Grant he loved it and was so happy afterwards!

this easter

I always think that fall is my favorite season, until spring comes along, that is. I also always think Christmas is my favorite holiday until Easter comes along. This year we decided rather last minute to head to San Antonio for 2 nights before Easter Sunday. What a great idea it turned out to be. Thanks to my mom's willingness to babysit, Brad and I were able to meet up with some of our favorite friends for a lively dinner at a fabulous Mexican restaurant we had never been to before - which was another treat, getting to discover a new place!

The following day was one of those perfectly unscripted days that turns out so pleasant. Amy and the kids, my mom, Brad, Grant, Lucy and I packed a picnic lunch and headed to the park. The boys played basketball and soccer and played on the playground. Sophia lounged with the girls on the blanket. We ate good food and enjoyed the perfect weather. It was simple and that was what made it so nice. Later that day the big kids dyed Easter eggs. Wow that is a messy endeavor!

Easter Sunday was a full day. I woke up and was able to look out my window to the cemetery and see the sunrise service. When Grant woke up, I explained what was going on and we read the Easter story from the Bible. Our worship service was so full. Both Grant and Lucy came and my heart was full as I held onto my daughter and son and sang to God. There was a big egg hunt after church and then we walked home where Blake and Mallory joined us for the rest of the day. We feasted, sat on the porch, ran around outside cracking confetti eggs and enjoyed the day with each other.

gramma and lucy visiting

little girl likes picnics

girl cousins

a friendly game of hoops

oh the mess

the finished creation

grant showing lucy his bounty

happy easter 2011