when goodbye isn't good enough

The past few months have been full of goodbyes.  After 10 years of being at Bosqueville Baptist Church, Brad accepted a position at McLean Baptist Church in McLean, Virginia.  Because my default is to avoid emotional complexities, I’ve survived the last couple of weeks by staying busy, which hasn’t been difficult considering the lengthy to-do list associated with a cross-country move.  The truth is that goodbyes are the worst and it’s just too painful to allow myself to feel all of them. 

The decision process to accept the invitation to McLean was so complex and so simple all at the same time.  Over the last couple of years Brad and I have prayed that we would be open to God’s leading in our lives, regardless of the timing or the location.  And all along we would have been content if the answer had been: BBC is the location and forever is the timing.  But, something in our spirits seemed to be whispering that there was a different answer.  And when it came, it felt easy to make the decision, and hard too, because we knew that to embrace a new life and a new congregation meant to let go of the one that had held us for so long. 

So, the past month has been full of goodbyes and I’ve realized the gross inadequacy of human words.  Because thank you and goodbye have kept rolling off my lips and each time, they smack of insufficiency and yet when I think about how to express what I really feel, I struggle in vain to come up with words that are worthy.

Is this even close to saying thanks?

Thank you BBC, for accepting us, as our 25 year old selves and not looking back.  We knew so little, but you were so kind and your graciousness was a covering over us.  Thank you for giving us the freedom to be ourselves and to find a bit of ourselves, too. 

Thank you for teaching us through your lives and your love.   So many faith lessons…I’ve learned through single moms about sacrifice and courage.  I’ve learned through Sunday School and AWANA leaders about endurance, patience and gentleness.  The youth have taught me that faith is not a destination but a constant journey.  The children have modeled authenticity to me as I've heard their small voices rising unfiltered to God in prayer, week after week during worship services.  I’ve learned countless lessons from the wisdom of the older generation; they’ve modeled a life worth striving after; they’ve given me an answer to the question of who I want to be when I grow up.  I’ve learned from the daring about risky faith and the struggles and rewards that come from passionately pursuing a vision from God.  I’ve learned from the heartbroken about what resilience and hope look like.  I’ve watched people serve unnoticed but faithfully, year after year, at a specific task or ministry – and they’ve unknowingly taught me humility and selflessness.  The misfits, those on the fringe, they’ve taught me that we all have our own story with God, that faith has many different colors and dimensions, which add to its beauty.  So many faith lessons...

At the end of the day, even more, at the end of 10 years, how do you really say goodbye?  Goodbye simply isn’t good enough.  It simply comes up too short.  And besides, I want to boycott goodbye because it implies a finality that I don’t think I believe in.  I started thinking about Jesus – how did handle goodbyes?  And I started thinking about Paul – he worked with so many churches, so how did he handle farewells?  As I started reading, I realized they didn’t say goodbye.  Jesus simply told his followers to go and do, and Paul’s favorite method of closure wasn’t saying goodbye, it was giving a blessing, speaking grace and peace over his readers.  This gives me great comfort.  Because it’s true – as Christians we are knit together.  The Bible says that we are grafted together – we can’t be separated because we are literally tethered to one another by the spirit of God.  Proverbs says that, ‘as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another’.  The people at BBC have sharpened me over the past 10 years, literally changed me and left their mark on me, so I’ll always carry them with me.  All of us now move forward, to encounter different people who will challenge us, teach us, shape us, sharpen us in a new way.  And those people yet to come will also leave their mark on us and us with them. 

Brad and I’s last words in our last worship service are how I want to close our chapter at BBC.  Not with thank you and goodbye.  Those words offer some meaning, but not enough.  And while the following words aren’t perfect either, they do express my dreams for the people that I love and will always hold dear and who will always be a part of me.  So, for you, my family at BBC:

May the love of God surround you;
May Jesus Christ always stand before you with an invitation to know him and to follow him;
May the Spirit give you wisdom and grace for the journey,
May God be with each and all of us until we meet again.
To Him be all the praise and all the glory, forever and ever.  Amen.

Oh Youth Games...

Sometimes I love hanging out with the youth because you get to be a teenager again. We had some good, old fashioned, stereotypical youth games the other night. Here are just a few pictures.

We had a game wherein you stand a few feet apart from your partner and try to throw cheetos at their shaving cream covered face. Grant really thought this was fun.

Of course, there was a food relay. I had to eat a bowl full of white hominy. Luckily Mee Maw used to serve hominy all the time, so it wasn't that bad...at least I didn't have the pigs feet or canned oysters.

The best game of all. We were each standing on a bucket on a tarp that was covered in food and got to try to knock each other off. I highly recommend this game if you have any pent up anger you need to get out. We had to stop before I was able to knock Brad off because some food flew into Grant's face and he started crying...poor guy - he probably thinks his parents are the weirdest people.

Being 15 Again

Well, I am almost back to 'normal' life after being away for a week with our youth group. We made the 14 hour drive to Glorieta, New Mexico to attend M-Fuge camp. Several months ago, I was staunchly opposed to attending camp as a sponsor, but as time wore on, I warmed up to the idea. Turned out it was a lot of fun and I'm so thankful that God changes our minds about things. I went to Glorieta as a senior in high school, and as I walked around the camp and relived old memories, it was incredible to take inventory of all the life changes over the past 12 years. As I watched the youth struggle all week with questions about God's faithfulness, I was able to share all the ways that he has shown me goodness and grace time and time again.


Turns out, some things never change when it comes to teenagers and summer camp. Yes, food challenges are still funny. Yes, our youth minister ate an entire piece of cheesecake covered with worchestshire sauce and salt and pepper. Yes, camp 'relationships' are still uber-dramatic. Yes, camp food still leaves much to be desired - dry meat, crusty bread, and browned lettuce. Yes, pulling pranks is still a staple at camp - I orchestrated leaving our youth minister at a truck stop on the way home :). Yes, teenage boys still have a sense of humor that makes all mothers of young boys a little nervous about the future.


Some things have changed however, since I last went to camp: This camp actually served Starbucks coffee (can you believe that? a caramel macchiato after worship service - so spoiled). Whereas I talked to my parents maybe once during the whole week I was at camp, our youth barely survived with their allotted 10 minutes a day to use their cell phones - I found the whole thing very amusing. Lastly, we actually had hotel style rooms - no bunk beds thrown in a big concrete room and showers with too-small curtains. At this rate, who knows what luxuries camp will have when Grant is able to go!